Hmmm...

I really thought that at some point my blog would just be deleted. Surprise to find it still here...
maybe it's a sign!

You know, I really didn't enjoy 2012; now that it is over, I say good riddance!  I am so ready to move on...  I know there were good things but how sad is it that the bad things stand out so much more than the good?  Oh well...out with the old and in with the new...2013, here come the Lee's!

So much to do...

So much to do...
It's hard to remember what to do-
facebook, blog, or clean house...
So, I decided on one thing to do-
but I forgot what it was, so I haven't done anything.
:)

Braces for my boy

I never realized that what I thought was absolutely adorable about Jared was really going to be a big problem. I always loved the way he smiled and didn't even know for years that it was caused by an underbite. Silly me...

He slept in a chin strap for over a year and it seemed to help but not completely. He started growing and the wire was leaving a permanent indention in his cheeks so, that was that.

His grandpa is a dentist and has been keeping tabs on the situation. I guess it could cause a lot of problems down the road so the braces were an important step. As soon as his baby teeth fell out and the big guys came in enough, it was time...

Truth be told, he whined all weekend! I explained that it was so cool to have braces because he is the first 7 year old ever to have braces. He thought that was a pretty good deal for a while and would tell me: "I hate these braces but I do like being the first 7 year old to get them". But by the end of the weekend it was "I hate these braces and I don't even want to be the first 7 year old to have them!". Funny little guy...

It's only been 3 1/2 days and already his upper teeth have shifted so that they could come down over his lower teeth! Yay!!! He can almost close his back teeth again. He's looking forward to eating real food. I think that in a couple of days we will be able to take the wire out and then have the braces removed not too long after.

Happy Birthday to my Dad

I was out of town over the weekend which, I wish I could say helped the ever-present feeling of loss, but it did not, not really. My dad's birthday was last Saturday, July 31st, the 5th we've celebrated without him. I wonder when it will get easier...

We usually have a little family birthday party for him but this year was different so I tried to celebrate as best as I could...not much to do in St. Johns!

We ate dinner at a Mexican Food place-he loved Mexican Food and choices were limited in town but I think it was a decent effort.

I had also decided that in the tradition of my dad, I would: Spend money I didn't have on something I didn't really need; then my plan was to use it once or twice and store it where there isn't room. Dad was good at that...so, I bought a red and pinkish camera, my dad seemed to buy a lot of cameras! When I was younger, my dad bought me lots of things just because it was my favorite color-green at the time. I think he would have happily bought me a pink camera if I asked. And again, choices were limited in the Metropolis of St. Johns.

I think that the greatest thing during the day was being able to talk (via text) to my mom throughout the day. His birthday is still hard for her and even though she is (happily) married again, it is a comfort to me knowing how much she still misses and loves my dad and does the best she can each day. She tried to stay busy but circumstances being as they are, it was a rough day. I won't elaborate...

She's coping and is OK.

Last time we were visiting, my mom and I went to the cemetary and replaced some of the vases and flowers and fixed it up a bit. She went on his birthday to do the same again. Looks like she decorated and celebrated with him. I'm grateful for the picture...

If there is any doubt that my dad is missed and loved by everybody, especially my mom, there shouldn't be. To be able to still feel that love is a great gift to my dad year after year.

I did my best not be sad because a birthday should be a celebration of life and my dad loved the life he lived. I'm proud of the things he accomplished while in this life and everyday I am grateful for the things he is still doing in my life. So, Happy Birthday Dad! Was I sad, admittingly yes, but so very happy for the life that he lived and without a birthday to celebrate, there would be no dad...

A year of change

So, my most recent actual post was nearly a year ago. Hmmm...how things can change in just a short year. I don't think that anything in my life is the same as it was a year ago. I don't know who, if anyone will read this but I suppose I'll be as vague as possible if ever. I'd like to say that if you ever want details, you will have to read my journal after I die, but I'm not so good at that either!

I often feel like my mind has taken a vacation; not really but I feel like my head is in all sorts of different places these days. Between my mom getting married again & the stress of family matters relating to that and my own personal struggles with desperately wanting another baby and the possible miscarriages (a women just knows), I have forgotten what it's like to feel normal but something tells me that I used to really like it!

My mom was re-married in November to a very nice man named Hal. It's always difficult when a widowed mother finds love again and actually wants to get married and I struggled with it at first. I can't really explain to those once close to me how I know but I have had the very distinct impression that this was okay with my dad so I let it go and decided to give Hal a chance. All I can say, is that I am very glad I did because it is the greatest thing to see my mom smile again. It had been nearly 4 years since my dad passed away at the time (nearly 4 1/2 years now) and those were very long, sad years for her. I know that my mom will never stop loving my dad...never, she has told me so and I believe her with all my heart...they were sealed in The Temple and the wonderful thing is that Hal understands that. I think that for me, this really helps.

I went to my mom's house a couple of weekends ago for the first time since the wedding and I have to admit that I was a bit apprehensive because I didn't quite know what to expect being that another man lives there now. There was nothing different...no pictures had been removed, no momentos had been put away, no different furniture; there was just one more wedding picture on the wedding wall. Sometimes change can be good...but unfortunately, it has not all been good because it has left me feeling very alone and separated from my siblings. That's all that I will say about that.

Let's see, the baby thing. I never thought that I would only have two children and I still don't. But with my health, it seems to have been one thing after another (according to my doctor who I don't see anymore) and I have gone through 3 years of testing because of some weirdness in my kidneys. Finally, after a biopsy last summer, I had had enough because the diagnosis was the same as three years ago-"yep, there's a problem but you'll live"...

Off and on during those years we had decided that maybe it was time for another child but it was not meant to be and then the testing would start up again. So, it has been a very trying year since the biopsy because we know that there is another spirit that we are supposed to have in our family and he just isn't coming. I believe that I have had at least two early miscarriages recently which has only compounded the frustration.

... but when I really stop to think about it, if these two little boys that I have are the only two that I get to raise in this life, how grateful I am that it is these two little boys. I am so thankful that they chose me to be their mother and though they are a handful, they are the most loving, sensitive, and sweet handfuls that there ever was!

So, changes or not, life goes on and we adapt. I guess that it what it is time to do. The kids are growing, Stephen got promoted, and I bought myself a Wii Fit and a Cricut Gypsy and now I'm on a mission to fix my crazy head! Wish me luck...

I still have a blog?

What do you know, I still have a blog! I've never been able to get used to blogging but maybe if I do, it will ease some of my nuttiness!

The Pooping Humpty Dumpty

This statue used to be down Main Street in Mesa. Stephen always called it the "Pooping Humpty". I don't think that it looks like that, though. But anyway, now it's near the water feature in front of the Cinemark at Riverview. The kids think he's so cool and just had to have a picture with "Pooping Humpty".

The little gal here is our little Madi. She's my niece; we babysit her everyday so she's just one of us and we love her.